I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
