I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
