he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
