And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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