I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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