"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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