People in love make me want to vomit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
