One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
