I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Still dying that you shit outside
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
