I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
