haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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