why didn't you poke me back
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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