yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
