Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
