dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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