I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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