So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize