Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
