if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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