i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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