The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think i got beer on your cat.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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