Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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