You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
