gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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