please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
