awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
