And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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