Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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