physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
