ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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