so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
nutella sex= disaster
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
