you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
