i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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