After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
