I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
