I am in a vortex of obligation.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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