I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
