sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
