All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
