bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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