New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
