First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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