i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I supernannyed him into submission
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
