oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
