I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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