life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
