Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
