I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
