We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
