i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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