We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
