Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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