I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
