I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
