Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
