Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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