I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
dude. I can hear the air.
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