apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
