ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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