So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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