He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
