I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
