My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
